Having our needs met is a natural and essential part of being human. It requires a reciprocal dance of giving and receiving, of offering love and being open to receive it in return.

But for many of us, when we are deep in the giving, a voice eventually rises: “What about me?”

This voice is not wrong. It’s an invitation. A signal that asks us to explore where we may be giving from expectation, or from a part of us that is waiting to be seen, acknowledged, or nourished.

In this 18-minute discussion from The Art of Sacred Intimacy (Austin, 2025), John speaks with a participant about how to relate to this voice in a conscious, embodied way. Drawing on David Deida’s 3 Stages of Intimacy, he explores how this question — “What about me?” — can be expressed from different places in the body, and how to orient toward it without collapse, resentment, or grasping.

As you listen, reflect on the moments when you believed you were giving freely, yet something inside expected a return. What happens when you let go of the outcome? Can you offer love without needing anything to be different, even when the part of you that wants to be chosen is activated?