You want to foster a safe and healthy dynamic in your relationship that centers on communication, self-reflection, and ownership of the work you both need to do. But this may feel out of reach when blame and collapse take the forefront. You want to lead your relationship into healthier relational habits, but you are unsure how to start.

In this video, from the October 12th Community Practice Call, John describes how The Drama Triangle, as described by Stephen B. Karpman, applies to the spiritual, therapeutic, and yogic approaches to relational health, and how you can transmute your habitual roles and patterns to create a new dynamic through the Empowerment Triangle.

If you want to shift your relationship into a healthier, more empowered dynamic, this 80-minute video will help.

You'll learn:
- There is a spiritual approach, a therapeutic approach, and a yogic approach to relational health.
- If we try to jump to the yoga without a healthy place of communication, self-reflection, and ownership of the work we need to do, we will often lack depth in our practice.
- If we become stuck in the therapeutic approach, our relationships can lack art.
- Karpman's Drama Triangle is a great resource for recognizing the habitual roles that we fall into in our relationships.
- One of the tenets of this work is radical responsibility.
- We may not ever completely shed our habitual patterns, but by bringing awareness to them, we can quickly recognize when we're in a space of blame & collapse and move into another, more empowered role.
- Yogic, or "third stage" practice as David Deida would call it, is not about being a Savior, but about liberating love. Codependence is about saving, changing, and helping. Yogic practice is about the commitment to the present-moment liberation of love.
- It is important to do the therapeutic work needed to create cleanliness in your relationship before elevating to yogic practice.
- The "three-legged stool" of awareness in relational health involves becoming aware of our human foibles and how they show up in relationship, becoming aware of our yogic practice and pressing breath, depth, and the truth of our hearts through our bodies, and becoming aware that we're love and consciousness and bringing that as a purely Divine transmission in our connection.
- If one person has awareness and tries to deepen the connection over time and the other doesn't and has no desire to deepen, the relationship likely won't last.
- When we don't want to be with the truth of our hearts, we tend to play the Victim to avoid feeling. The Drama Triangle happens when we don't choose to feel our deep emotions. If we find ourselves in that dynamic, we can use it as a sign that there's something deep that is wanting to be felt.
- A good practice to work with a deep feeling that wants to be felt is to go to the truth at the core of the feeling (grief, longing, loneliness, self-loathing), bring your awareness to the feeling (not the story or thought), and dance/move with it.
- It is important to get clear on your core needs in relationship and create boundaries with people in your life who don't meet those needs.
- Sometimes we think we need something and we really don't. In that case, the need may actually be a rigid response to a childhood wound. At other times, you have a core need that truly must be met. Honoring those needs is crucial because otherwise, you may fall into a perpetual Victim role, stepping into relationships with people who cannot meet your needs.
- Are you asking your partner to do something they just can't do? Even if they want to? When we do that, we're in the Perpetrator role.
- Feeling the yearning & ache in your heart is beautiful. The moment you attach that ache to a person who won't or can't meet you is a recreation of your childhood wounding.
- There are three steps to leaving a relationship cleanly.
- The first step is to hold and honor your heart. Bring unconditional friendliness to the part of you that is heartbroken, angry, grieving, etc. and create containers to love & honor that part of you. You can play music and move those feelings through your body on your own, or bring your feelings to people who you trust to hold and love that part of you. Often, this part of you is not for the person who you are angry, heartbroken, or grieving to hold. It's for loving & honoring you.
- The second step is to bless them and step away with grace. One prayer you can say to yourself to aid in this practice is, "I love, forgive, and release you completely and totally, now and forever. Please love, forgive, and release me completely and totally, now and forever."
- The third step is to clear your karma by taking a ruthless self-reflection of how you co-created the dynamic in the relationship. Ruthless reflection and deep honesty is a part of shamanic practice. You may eventually share this with the person, or you may keep it to yourself.
- A practice you can do to both bless a person & honor your heart's truth is to write two letters: 1. a letter of gratitude for everything they gave you and 2. a letter expressing the pain they caused you. Someday, you may choose to read the letter of gratitude to the person. Do a personal ritual to honor the painful letter. This is a good practice to do for a parent or family member.

Resources from this call:
- Karpman Drama Triangle: https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2e/d3/32/2ed33211787df7c4fb5308a4446b05a1.jpg&imgrefurl=https://www.pinterest.com/pin/65583738306637580/&tbnid=CIrEZ3epBpy82M&vet=1&docid=oerKBPq_t5wnzM&w=474&h=462&itg=1&hl=en-us&source=sh/x/im

- David Deida: https://deida.info/

- Kendra Cunov: https://www.kendracunov.com/

- Claire's Place Foundation: https://clairesplacefoundation.org/#donate

- Clarity Ball Virtual Auction: https://e.givesmart.com/events/g5Y/

Disclaimer: Although anyone may find this video to be useful, it is made available with the understanding that we are not engaged in presenting specific medical, psychological, emotional, sexual or spiritual advice. Nor is anything in this video intended to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional, sexual or spiritual problem. Each individual has unique needs and this video cannot take these individual differences into account. Each person should engage in a program of treatment, prevention, cure, or general health only in consultation with a licensed, qualified physician, therapist or other competent professional. Any person suffering from a sexually transmitted disease or any local illness of his or her sexual organs should consult a medical doctor and a qualified instructor of sexual yoga before practicing the sexual methods described in this video.