Our shadow is anything that we repress, deny, or avoid. Not only does it take a lot of energy to suppress a part of ourselves, but withholding these very real parts of ourselves, we miss the opportunity to create more authentic and tender connections with those we love.

When we fully own our shadow personas, we can integrate them into our nervous systems and hearts completely, while releasing self-judgment and shame. By sharing these hidden places in our psyche, they literally alchemize from negative, maybe even darker energies, into powerful allies of intimacy.

In this 2 part, 90-minute recording from the March 2023 EWRI Intensive in Boulder, Colorado, John guides participants through the 4 step process of identifying a “shadow” aspect of themselves. Watching along, you’ll be able to explore a recurring trigger that brings forth your own shadow, and then get to know it and the gifts it brings. Next you’ll allow it to take shape in your mind’s eye, and if you choose, present your shadow as art to your partner or a loving witness.

The result can be an enormous heart opening experience, both for the person revealing their shadow persona and the witness. While this is not an easy practice and is not a “quick-fix,” the depth, passion, playfulness, and intimacy it creates can completely change you, your relationship, and your life for the better.

THE EMBODIED SHADOW PRACTICE

The process of identifying, getting into relation with, and then fully becoming our shadows is a process John modified from Ken Wilbur’s 3-2-1 Shadow Practice. It is a transformative exercise designed to confront and integrate the repressed, denied, and avoided aspects of ourselves - our 'shadows.' These aspects often unconsciously influence our behaviors, particularly in intimate relationships, manifesting as passive-aggressiveness, judgment, or avoidance of intimacy. By acknowledging and owning these shadows, we can release the tension and shame associated with them, fostering authenticity and deeper connections.

Step #1: Identify Your Shadow

• Recall a moment that triggered an emotional response in you.
• Then try to remember the sensations in your body. Where in your body do you feel the charge? Is there a clenching in your heart? Does your stomach tighten into knots? Do you feel the hairs stick up on the back of your neck? Do you have chills down your arms?
• From that feeling, try to see, in your mind's eye, a figure take form in front of you. It may not have a complete shape at first. Initially, you may only see its eyes or hands, but continue to focus on it until it takes a full shape. Notice its size, age, sex, sense of style, and what it is wearing. It may appear human, cartoonish, or beast-like. Trust that anything your mind brings up is exactly right.

Step #2: Write a Description of Your Shadow

• Sketch the shadow entity you visualized.
• Write a detailed description, including its characteristics, expressions, gestures, and any phrases or emotions it exhibits.

Step #3: Have a Conversation with Your Shadow

• Visualize your shadow figure again.
• Engage in a conversation with your shadow, asking questions like "What are you trying to tell me?" and "What is your gift for me?"
• IMPORTANT: Once you ask a question, listen for the answer. No matter how quiet or aggressive the shadow figure is, or whether what it says makes sense to you or not, it is important that you truly listen to the actual words, without adding your own interpretation.

Step #4: Embody Your Shadow

• In the presence of a loving witness, stand with enough space for movement.
• Close your eyes, recall the triggering moment, and focus on the sensation.
• Visualize your shadow, then embody it for one minute, mimicking its actions and expressions.
• After a minute, relax and decide whether to embody the shadow further or return to your normal state.
• Conclude by imagining embracing the shadow, drawing it into your heart, and expressing gratitude with phrases like “Thank you. I see you. I hear you. I promise to listen to you from now on. You are so important to me. I love you.”
• Observe any feelings of freedom or gifts arising from this practice.